Why Blog?

I will begin by saying that I realize now that I have sleepwalked through most of my 25 years as a professional musician. I was mostly steered into different directions, probably because I started performing so young, by various authority figures (parents, teachers, label executives, managers, etc.). In the beginning it didn't matter. The best part of playing in a band for my tween- and teenage self was the sense of adventure and camaraderie, regardless of the cognitive dissonance that was brewing as a result of a complete clash of what I listened to and what I played. Fast forward into twenties, and things got a bit more complicated. Two decades of life in Soviet Union and then Russia -- check. Eleven years of classical guitar training -- check. Jazz college -- check. Bluegrass band -- check. Same band, but country music, a major record deal, lots of hype and expectations, total lack of creative control -- check. 

And yes, my influences included country old timers, and classical composers, and The Beatles, just like the press-releases said, but mostly I was listening to Tori Amos and heavy metal, and as a hobby, I was writing sad/angry (and sometimes, oh, so melodramatic) songs of my own, that had zero value from my country music career stand point. The point is, even though I enjoyed being a performer, I was just that. Singing songs other people wrote. Sleepwalking.

Then Bering Strait, the band I was a part of for 18 years, broke up, and I sleepwalked into a solo career. A little more awake now, though, but still just following the path that was laid out in front of me. Given total creative freedom by my indie label, I recorded and produced my first album, Cheap Escape, piecing it together out of the best songs I've written in previous 8 or so years, with one thought guiding me in my creative process: it had to be different from Bering Strait. I think I succeeded in that. And it was such an intense high -- being in the studio and not just interpreting, but creating something entirely out of nothing! You can't stop once you've tasted it!

So a couple of years later I kinda accidentally recorded another album, Balancing Act. It was intended as one thing, and ended up being something else, which is always exciting. In the process I started to find my voice (which is different from avoiding sounding like something, you see?). Then I recorded another, my favorite of the three, Out Of My Hands. And in between studio work I toured a little with my guitar, I taught yoga and took care of my family.

And then I decided to retire as a professional musician. 25 years is a good round number to get tired of doing something. I felt like I had nothing to say anymore. I even called my publisher/manager/booking agent/biggest fan Kathy Anderson and told her that I was done. I was depressed, sad, and felt like a total loser. So I got a loop pedal and an E-bow, and decided that from now on music is a hobby of mine. I guess, buying an expensive piece of equipment is a guitarist's equivalent of pacifying a midlife crisis with a slick convertible. 

So that was last August. I guess, I didn't retire after all, because I'm in the middle of producing and recording a new project. Something that I am very excited about. And for the first time in my life I have a feeling of being completely awake (to continue with the metaphor, for I am a Nashville songwriter after all) and in charge of the process, even though, ironically, my husband John Caldwell is co-producing this one with me. I want to share this process with anyone who finds "making of" as fascinating as I do. This blog is about making music in general and about making this new album we decided to call Never Going Home, in particular.